Gus Gilroy and his Gaslighters.
She... cut an audition record with them.
The next thing I knew she'd run off to New York with that Gilroy character.
- She was gonna make it big. - Did she?
If she did, the news hasn't reached Cleveland.
I tried for a year very hard to get her out of my mind.
I worked at it day and night. I figured I'd never see her again.
But just imagine, right now she's stepping on an airplane in New York...
...and in a few minutes she's gonna take off.
- Hi, Mr Gingrich. - Hello, Boomsy.
Hey, Nureyev. You're gonna wear out your batteries.
Now cut it out!
You're not a well man.
I've been tryin' to reach you all morning. Where you been?
Where have I been?
I've been working.
Talking to witnesses, getting depositions, looking out for your interests.
I've interviewed every person who was sitting between the 20 and 40-yard lines.
Gotten signed statements from groundskeepers.
Looked at miles of television tape, instant replays, isolated camera.
In this business you gotta be on your toes every minute...
...thinking, anticipating, always keeping one step ahead of the other guy.
I thought you could pick Sandy up at 3.40.
Good for you. I can't wait to see that pretty puss again.
Why doesn't Boom Boom pick her up, huh?
- Be glad to. - 3.40 breaks up the whole afternoon.
There are important things I have to take care of.
- He doesn't know what she looks like. - I won't bring you the wrong wife.
Sure is nice and warm here.
Yeah. Somebody from the building came, checked the radiators in every room.
Every room? Oh! Isn't that considerate?
I think they suspect something.
I told you not to plant those mikes in the radiators.
I suppose your idea was better. Send him candy and bug the chocolate creams!
- Keep lookin'! - Don't come unglued. We're OK.
- You'd better start for the airport. - OK, coach.
What's the rush? He's got an hour and a half.
Well, there's a lot of traffic this time of day, and those planes...
You never know. They're late, they're early...
Say, what do I call her? "Mrs Hinkle", or "Miss", or what?
- Try "Mrs". - You got it.
Oh, boy, this brace is murder.
I don't get out of this chair, gangrene is gonna set in.
Look at this deposition.
- Well, what do I know? - It's very important.
Especially the footnote.
Isn't that interesting?
- I don't get it. - Take my word for it.
A case like this is full of pitfalls.
You can't just go skipping through the wood like Little Red Riding Hood.
There are wolves behind every tree.
And you gotta watch out for Grandma, because she's got big eyes and big ears.
- And big teeth. He forgot the teeth. - He what?
I hate a guy who tells a story and louses up the punch line.
So the moral of the story is, better Red Riding Hood than Dead Riding Hood.
You read me?
Not really.
Tell me, this whirlpool gadget that Dr Krugman prescribed.
- The Jacuzzi? - Yeah. Does it help you any?
I suppose. It tones the muscles up or somethin'.
But just exactly how does it work?
Well, first you gotta run some water in the tub.
All righty.
Say, where's the switch on this Jacuzzi thing?
- No switch. Just plug it in the wall. - You'd better come in and show me.
Would you mind telling me...
- OK, kid. You can talk now. - What the hell is goin' on around here?
The whole place is bugged, and they're shooting.
- Shooting? - The detectives. With a camera.
- Well, who needs that? Get rid of 'em! - Not so fast.
Pull the shades down and rip out the mikes! We're not gonna put up with this.
- Yes, we are. - What do you mean, "we are"?
Look, Harry. We know we're bugged, but they don't know we know.
Don't you see the possibilities? Anything we feed into those mikes, they'll swallow.
- Like what? - To speed up the action, we'll goose 'em.
It may take a year for this case to come to trial.
You wanna be stuck in this chair that long?
- A year? - Worry not, because I've got a scheme.
And when we spring it on them, they're gonna settle right away - for big money.
Oh, to hell with the big money! Give it to charity.
- How did you guess? - Huh?
That's the scheme.
Announcing the arrival of United Airlines Flight 373...
... from New York Kennedy International Airport.
Passengers may now claim their luggage in the baggage area.
- Mrs Hinkle? - Yes?
Let me take these.
- Mr Gingrich sent me to pick you up. - Oh? Has he got a chauffeur now?
No, it's just that he's busy with the lawsuit. I'm a friend of Harry's.
- How is Harry? - Better now he knows you're coming.
- And how's the lawsuit? - Mr Gingrich thinks we can't lose.
- Oh, really? - I'm gonna testify myself. I'm a witness.
- You were there? - Oh, yeah. Right where it happened.
Actually, I'm the guy that hit him.
It's got me all shook up. I keep running that play over and over again in my mind.
I saw him there. I could have stepped out of bounds...
...I could have cut back and reversed my field.
But I didn't. And all for a lousy extra five yards.
I wouldn't brood about it. Everybody tries for that extra five yards, and...
Well, sometimes people get in our way.
Harry played me your record.
You sing good.
I sing damn good, if you must know, but I started off wrong...
...working with a cheap band in some crummy cellar.
To make it these days you need exposure.
- You need what? - A showcase.
Like the Copa, or the Persian Room.
And for that you need a knockout wardrobe, and special material...
...and a vocal coach, and a publicity man, and for that you need money.
So unless you got like 20,000 bucks, forget it.
Maybe it's all for the best, because now that you're here, maybe you'll stay.
Sure... and go back to doing those linoleum commercials.
I was talking about going back to Harry.
You know, you and me, we both hurt him. Except I can't do anything about it.
But it's not too late for you to square things.
We'll see what happens.
When you travel with a team you live with a lot of guys.
- But Harry's something else again. - You don't have to sell me.
When your telegram came, he almost jumped out of that chair.
All Mr Gingrich talks about is the money, but all Harry talks about is you.
That's just like him. Sweet, impractical Harry.
If he had his way, nobody would get anything out of this.
Get a load of that broad!
- Keep your mind on business. - This is business. It's the wife.
I'd sure hate to be stuck in a wheelchair with her around.
- You got enough film in the camera? - Sure. Why?
Because if we're lucky, this may turn out to be our Swedish masseuse.
Hi, Sandy.
Have a good flight?
Harry!
- If I were a gentleman, I'd get up. - Darling!
Let me look at ya.
- What do I remind you of? - I don't know.
I'll give you a hint.
No, I still don't know.
All right, one more clue.
Whistler's Mother. Hey, isn't he too much?
What happened? You've got green eyes.
It's the contact lenses. They make them in all colours now.
- You still wear your hair the way I like it. - Oh, I've never changed.
Where do you want these? In the bedroom?
Well, I certainly don't want them in the kitchen.
You heard the lady.
- How long can you stay? - It depends.
The band's opening in Atlantic City...
...but I told them I had to go to see a sick relative.
That's close enough. I am sick and I am a relative. At least I used to be.
Harry, promise me something.
As soon as you get a little money, have this couch re-covered.
According to Willie, I could have it re-upholstered in $100 bills.
I may even get a new apartment. I got a Mustang.
- Willie's breaking it in for me. - Well, who cares?
The important thing is to get you well again.
- I'd better start on that dinner. - Thank you, Boom Boom.
- Cooks too. He's quite a treasure. - I don't know what I'd do without him.
Harry, what do the doctors say?
They're just guessing. It's a compressed vertebra, and some nerve damage...
- It all connects up. - Compressed vertebra?
Yeah. But I may fool everybody.
I may be back on my feet a lot sooner than anyone expects.
On the other hand, you never know. These things sometimes drag on and on.
Too bad it's a phoney.
What is?
- The fireplace. - Oh.
It would be nice to have a fire now.
Remember when we used to put a red light bulb behind the logs...
...and pretend this was a bearskin rug? - Right in front of Whistler's Mother.
Shameless.
I'd better unpack.
With the chicken paprika we should have some white wine.
- I didn't get any. - Look in the wine cellar.
Second shelf, behind the cereal. I hide it from the cleaning woman.
I'll put it on ice.
What do you think of Sandy? I guess it's not fair to ask. You just met her.
Not that I think she's perfect. They're all unpredictable.
And she may not be a raving beauty, but then I'm no Mastroianni either.
It's just that sometimes two people drift apart...
...and they have to get together again because they were cut out for each other.
Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. They belong.
- You know what I'm trying to say? - Yeah.
I knew you'd agree with me.
Oh boy, oh boy. Look at this.
- What? - I think I'm goin' out of my mind.
- I can't watch it any more. - What?
Apricot dumplings!
On top of chicken paprika, red cabbage, buttered noodles...
And that dame hasn't touched any of it.
Just yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak.
I knew it two weeks after I left you, what a terrible mistake I'd made.
You have no idea how many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call you.
But I was afraid.
I thought you'd just hang up on me.
Then when I heard about your accident, I didn't stop to think. I just called.
Well, I'm glad you did. At least something good came out of it.
The day I got the divorce papers I was working at a club and I couldn't go on.
I went to the ladies' room and was sick.
You know what I did? I went down to Lake Erie to throw my wedding ring away.
I don't blame you.
Lemme show you something.
You won't believe this, because you always said I wasn't the sentimental type.
Oh, where is it?
What are you looking for?
The junk you women carry around. It's like the inside of a claw machine.
Here. I couldn't bear to throw it away.
Now that you've brought it up...
...neither could I.
Where would you like your coffee?
Oh, coffee. We'll have it... in the library.
- Or the east wing terrace? - It's too cold for the terrace.
The library it is!
- Bring a third cup and join us. - No, thanks.
I don't want to butt into a family reunion.
I don't think he approves of me.
Nonsense. You shoulda heard him talk about you in the kitchen.
Harry, now that I'm here, do you really think you need him any more?
Well, it's not that I need him. He needs me.
It makes him feel better to help me out.
I thought that was going to be my job. You never considered me much of a wife.
- Oh, honey... - Don't deny it.
I guess I was kinda silly and useless.
But I want a second chance now.
Maybe I've grown up a little.
Wait a minute.
You'd better pour the coffee. One lump, remember?
Never mind the dishes, Boom Boom. Leave 'em.
OK. They're all rinsed. I'll finish up when I come to fix your breakfast.
You don't have to bother.
No bother. It's on the way to the practice field.
Boom Boom, I don't want to turn you into a housekeeper.
You have your own job to worry about. And now that Sandy's here...
You know how it is.
I know how it is.
Mrs Hinkle, that walker? He should practise with it every day.
He's up to 20 steps now. He should try 24 tomorrow.
- 24. All right. - And that whirlpool bath?
Twice a day. And if the batteries run down on the wheelchair...
I'll figure it out.
- You'll still come to see me, won't you? - Sure, buddy. Good night.
Good night.
I didn't want to say anything, but that chicken dish we had...
- It's Hungarian. - Well, it wasn't very good.
- I've learnt to cook now. - Yeah? Really?
I'll make you a meat loaf tomorrow.
Unzip me, please?
Put on a little weight, haven't you?
Seven pounds. That's how good a cook I am.
- If you need any help with your corset... - I can manage.
The phone, darling. Aren't you going to answer it?
- Hello? - Well, welcome to Cleveland.
Certainly nice to have you back with the organisation. How's our boy?
Why don't you kids go play on the freeway?
- I said how's our boy? - He's wonderful.
Everything's wonderful.
Like old times.
We just had dinner, and we're about to go to bed.
Lemme talk to him.
Look, Harry, if I were you, I'd forget it.
I know what's going through your mind, but this is not the time... or the place.
What are you, my marriage counsellor? If I want advice, I'll write to "Dear Abby".
OK, Harry, it's your neck. But if you're gonna do something foolish...
...remember to show your good profile, because you are on Candid Camera!
Ohh! Children, watch it!
Harry? Are you all right?
I'm fine.
- Can I have one more of these? - Sorry.
- What do you mean, "sorry"? - We reserve the right to refuse service.
- I own this joint! - You appointed me manager. I say no.
Now cut that out, Pop. I need it.
You wanna drown yourself, use water.
This won't do it. I know. I tried it once myself.
- What's that? - Bourbon.
Haven't seen you around in a long time.
It's me, Elvira. I bleached my hair.
- Do you like it? - It's gorgeous.
Well, you know what they say. "Blondes have more fun."
Yeah, because there's always some sucker to pay for it. Beat it!
- What did I do? - I said beat it!
He bothering you, honey?
Why don't you take "honey" home and dip her head in a pot of ink?
Real tough cat, ain't he? Except on that football field.
He didn't look so tough against the Giants last Sunday.
What is this? Break it up!
Come on, now. Break it up. Break it up.
- Anything happened across the street? - I'll say.
She gave him a rubdown, he gave her a rubdown.
Did you get it on film?
Cool it. Nothin' happened.
He fell asleep in the wheelchair, she stayed up readin' and smokin' a lot.
It's your turn to drive.
Don't wake me till we get to Albuquerque.
Oh, no!
Please, don't cry, Mother. Believe me, she's changed.
She washed my socks, she scrubbed the bathroom.
Tonight she's cooking me a meat loaf.
Mother?
Please stop crying.
How's the weather in Florida?
Hi, Sandy.
Morning, Harry.
Shut up, Mother.
Don't mind him. Go back to your canasta game. I'll call you over the weekend.
You look yummy for this early in the morning.
I feel yummy.
- Everything under control? - Everything.
I've got the incorporation papers. Sign all seven copies.
- What are you incorporating? - The Harry Hinkle Foundation.
- Didn't you tell her? - I thought it'd be a surprise.
I don't like surprises. What's this all about?
Oh, you're gonna be proud of him when you hear this.
Next Saturday...
Next Saturday there's gonna be a night game against Washington.
They're planning a tribute to Harry. The lights are gonna go out...
...and everybody will be asked to light a match and pray for Harry's recovery.
Can't you just see it? 83,000 matches flickering in that dark stadium.
Then the spotlight will pick up Harry.
He'll wheel himself up to the microphone and make the announcement.
What announcement?
That all the money from the insurance, over and above medical expenses...
...is going into the Harry Hinkle Foundation to help the handicapped.
- I'm not sure I understand. - We don't want anybody to think...
...we're suing just to line our own pockets.
Maybe we're not the Rockefeller Institute or the Ford Foundation.
But in our own small way, we can hold out a hand to the less fortunate...
...give them a little hope, a leg to stand on.
Hey, wake up. Wake up!
- What is it? - We're in Albuquerque.
- Huh? - Something important just came up.
I'd better take this tape down to O'Brien, Thompson and Kincaid.
I shoulda listened to my mother and become a bookie.
- Shouldn't "handicapped" have two p's? - Two p's?
I typed it myself, trying to save money. After all, it's a non-profit organisation.
- You're not disappointed, are you? - About what?
- The couch. I guess it'll have to wait. - So what?
I think it's a wonderful thing you're doing. I'm so proud of you.
I better be getting back to the office. I'm expecting an important phone call.
83,000 matches.
I hope it doesn't rain.
Oh, Willie?
Be right back.
Hey, Santa Claus. Can I ask you a question?
Sure, little girl. Wanna sit on my lap?
What's all this about you helping the handicapped? What's the gag?
- Gag? - Come off it, Willie.
Why go to the trouble of trumping up a case and then give the money away?
- Who says it's trumped up? - I do. You think I'm stupid?
Five specialists examined him. Are they stupid?
Compressed vertebra. Harry has had that since he was a kid.
- So don't snow me. I know it's a fraud. - I wish you wouldn't use words like that.
- So is the foundation. - All right.
Let's just say it's a legal manoeuvre to put the squeeze on the insurance company.
They wouldn't dare fight an organised charity.
If anybody had told me Harry would get involved in a thing like this...
He may still blow it. The place is wired for sound...
...and there are detectives watching from across the street.
- I get the picture. - So if you could keep him in line...
...I'd appreciate it very much.
- How much? - Worry not.
There'll be enough for everybody.
- I'll do what I can. - That's a good kid.
Hey, put on a little weight, haven't ya? I'd say about seven pound.
Sorry. Just wanted some legal advice from Willie.
- Legal advice? - I was wondering...
...if you can annul a marriage, why can't you annul a divorce?
- Can you? - You know Willie.
He could find a loophole in the Ten Commandments.
Time to practise with your walker.
24 steps today.
Can't you just see it? 83,000 matches flickering in that dark stadium.
Then Harry will wheel himself up to the microphone and make the announcement.
What announcement?
That all the money from the insurance, over and above medical expenses...
... is going into the Harry Hinkle Foundation to help the handicapped.
- Are you sure that's Willie Gingrich? - Yep. Recorded this morning.
Whiplash Willie turning philanthropist.
- Do you believe that? - Not for a second.
- Do you realise what this means? - It's obviously some cheap trick.
Cheap? The minute a jury hears that that money is going to charity...
...they'll nail the insurance company for $1 million.
- I still think Hinkle's an impostor. - You think!
- I know I've let you down... - You certainly have.
In Technicolor.
Well, uh... I'd better be getting back to my post.
Poor Purkey. He used to be the best private eye in Cleveland.
- Get Gingrich on the phone. - What for?
We're in a good position to negotiate.
We know he's up to something, but he doesn't know we know.
Hello? Yes.
O'Brien, Thompson and who? Oh, yes. You're those lawyers in my building.
What's on your mind, gentlemen?
You wanna see me? Hold on, I'll check my calendar.
Well, I'm all jammed up tomorrow.
Uh, nothing open Thursday.
Friday is out of the question.
Uh, maybe I can squeeze you in next Monday between 11 and 11.15?
Today? I just don't see how I can do it.
Well, if you boys wanna drop down here and take your chances...
All righty.
Come in, gentlemen, come in.
I'm sorry things are a little messy. My secretary got married.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, ten years ago. To me.
Sit down, sit down. Here you are.
Now, what's your problem, gentlemen?
Consolidated Insurance want to wrap up the Hinkle case. A matter of book-keeping.
Mind you, it's against our advice. But we are prepared to offer you $10,000.
Yeah... Now, let's see, if you're offering 10,000...
...that means you've been authorised to go to 25.
That means they'll go to 50. Why don't we skip all preliminaries and start at 50,000?
- $50,000? - That's not acceptable.
Would you like some instant coffee?
- We'd like an instant decision. - We might go as high as 25,000.
What's your hurry? We'll have our day in court.
I'm perfectly willing to leave the decision to a jury, 12 good men and true.
35,000.
Anybody care for cocoa? Ovaltine? Sauerkraut juice? Delaware Punch?
40,000.
Melba toast? Skinless sardines? Tootsie Rolls? Low-calorie yogurt?
- How about some pepperoni pizza? - No, thank you. I'm on Metrecal.
Metrecal? Fresh out. But I've got, uh, Bufferin, Pepto-Bismol, Mercurochrome...
45,000.
You boys going to the game Saturday?
It's Harry Hinkle Night. There's gonna be a very interesting show.
50,000. Take it or leave it.
When this case started I wrote down a figure on a piece of paper.
I've got it right here. I will not settle for one cent less than that.
All right, $55,000.
Did you say 55,000?
That's not it.
This has been declared a disaster area.
Eleven persons are dead or missing...
... over 200 families have been evacuated from their homes...
... and the property damage is estimated in the millions.
I'll be back with more news after this word from our sponsor.
Here it comes.
# Cover your floors with Lindenbaum's Linoleum
# It's better indoors with Lindenbaum's Linoleum
# For the lowest price and the highest style
# Do your house over in vinyl tile and for gracious living...
I don't wanna be bitchy, but where did they dig her up?
- She sings a little flat, doesn't she? - Flat? She's pitiful.
# Come down to Lindenbaum's, come down to Lindenbaum's
And how about that long dress? She must have bad legs. I used to do it in tights.
You don't have to remind me. I was behind the camera.
On the local scene...
... the chances of the Cleveland Browns to repeat as National League champions...
... suffered a blow last night when one of their star performers ran afoul of the law.
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson, the leading punt returner of the league...
... was released on bail after being charged with drunkenness...
... assault and battery, and resisting arrest.
Art Modell, owner of the Browns, announced this afternoon...
... that Jackson has been indefinitely suspended...
... pending a hearing to determine further disciplinary action.
In other news of the sports worid, Mickey Mantle said today...
That's a shame.
I knew it. I knew I shouldn't let him out of my sight.
What are you going to do?
This is absolutely our final offer.
$125,000.
Wrong again.
Hello? What is it, kid?
Did you hear what happened to Boom Boom?
- Well, I'm sure he must need a lawyer. - There are 4100 lawyers in Cleveland...
...and you pick the one who is beating his brains out for you?
Well, there's nothing we can do for him anyway.
Come on, Harry. Don't bother me. We got bigger fish to fry.
- What did Willie say? - He can't be bothered.
He's negotiating.
Harry! Be careful.
Wanna know who got Boom Boom into this mess? Wanna know the whole story?
Darling, don't get grey hair over it.
I've been lying to you all along. I...
You do have a few grey hairs. Makes you look distinguished.
Don't move. Don't say anything.
Just think about you and me.
If we're going to start all over again, how can it hurt to have a little money?
We're so close to it now. Don't throw it away.
For once in your life, be practical.
Do the smart thing.
I love you, Harry. But I don't want to love somebody dumb.
Hey, Purkey! Can you hear me, Purkey?
I know you're up there!
You're not fooling anybody, you big tub of lard!
How did he know we're up here?
I got a message for you from Gemini Control!
You can start packing up because the mission has been scrubbed!
Repeat, the mission has been scrubbed!
Over and out!
Take that filthy glove out of my face!
- Do you suppose he's tellin' the truth? - I wouldn't put anything past him.
Let me check it out with Mr O'Brien.
Am I early? I hate to be the first one at a party.
- What party? - I thought we were having a celebration.
- Willie, what happened? - This is the Hinkle apartment?
Come on. Tell us.
Whereas Harry Hinkle, hereinafter referred to as the plaintiff...
...renounces all claims against the Cleveland Browns...
...CBS and the Municipal Stadium, hereinafter referred to as the defendants.
In consideration thereof...
Like I promised you, on a silver platter.
Could I have my coffee, please?
- $200,000! - I coulda held out for more.
But old Mr O'Brien, I took pity on him. I hate to see a grown man cry.
I may cry myself. Look at all those zeros!
- Willie, you're a genius. - # I'm a genius, yes, I'm a genius
# Da-da-da-di-di, a genuine genius
- I'd still like my coffee. - Coffee? At a time like this?
- You wouldn't have champagne on ice? - We don't even have any ice.
I'll see what I can find.
Come on, Harry. Cheer up.
You got the biggest cash award ever made in a personal injury case in Ohio...
...and you're acting like a loser.
What would you like me to do? Turn cartwheels?
Not yet. You're still convalescing.
But in a few weeks we'll have you up on crutches, then we'll get you a cane.
Why are you so good to me?
So you'll be walking to the bank with a slight limp!
Big deal!
OK, Mr O'Brien. If that's the way you want it. You're the boss.
- They settled. - Good.
I can get home in time to watch Batman.
- Don't touch that camera! - The case is over.
That's what you think. And what Gingrich thinks.
Why don't you give up? He's too smart for ya.
Maybe so. But Hinkle isn't.
And I think I know how to break him down.
Where are you goin'?
The big tub of lard is gonna pay a little visit across the street.
So be ready for action.
Now that you got this kind of money, be very careful...
...because the worid is full of chisellers and con men.
- I'll be careful. - But luckily you got me.
You may think I'm a great lawyer, but I am ten times as good a business manager.
- I'll be very careful. - Happy days!
- What's this? - Kahlúa.
I thought we had some bourbon, but your friend Boom Boom...
Cheers.
Now when it comes to investing, the big trick is diversification.
You put a little money into uranium stocks, a few oil wells in Montana...
...some real estate in downtown Phoenix...
As long as you boys are diversifying, I want $20,000 to invest in me.
- You? - That's what it would cost...
...if I'm to work the Persian Room.
- You're going back into singing? - You bet.
And this time I'm gonna do it right.
For $20,000 you can put on a pretty good act.
"Everything's Coming Up Roses" - that's what I want to open with.
Four guys carry me on in a big basket full of flowers.
I'm wearing a tight red sequined gown and they're in tails.
White tie, top hats and canes.
Socko, baby, socko!
Maybe I could be one of the four guys. Bring my own cane?
Looks like the party's beginning to build.
- I take it back. - Can I come in for a minute?
I thought you only came in through the window, or through the heating system.
If you don't mind, I'd like to take out my equipment.
Help yourself.
You know something, Purkey? We're gonna miss you.
You're a real good neighbour.
Quiet, discreet, unobtrusive, and yet always keeping a watchful eye on us.
- I was just doin' my job. Nothin' personal. - Of course not.
But sometimes even the best bloodhound barks up the wrong tree.
Any more news about Boom Boom Jackson?
No.
Too bad what happened to him. But maybe it'll teach him a lesson.
Our black brothers have been gettin' a little out of hand lately.
Just too damn cocky, you know what I mean?
- That's enough out of you, Purkey. - Look, I'm all for equal.
But what gets me is, I'm drivin' an old Chevvy...
...and when I see a coon ridin' around in a white Cadillac...
Dirty son of a bitch!
Harry!
Thanks. Hey, Max!
Max!
- You walked right into a trap, you idiot! - I'm the idiot.
I should have tipped off the insurance company. They'd have given me $20,000!
Max! Hey, Max!
- Did you get it? - I'm not sure. It's a little dark.
- Oh, no! - Did you hear that? Get back in the chair.
Get back.
You want another take?
Yeah.
Harry...
- What's your exposure? - I was wide open.
Stop it down to F-4. Check your focus.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Roll her, Max.
So much for the bad hand.
Let's see what a man with a broken back can do.
Attaboy. Keep it up.
Willie, why don't you do something?
Well, the first thing I'm gonna do is cancel my reservation at the Persian Room.
Hey, you've got one green eye and one blue eye.
My contact lens! I must have dropped it.
Don't move.
And now for the most death-defying feat ever attempted by a man...
...who just got out of a wheelchair!
Did you get what you wanted?
- Let's have the keys to my car. - They'll repossess it in the morning.
They can have it in the morning. Right now I need it.
I don't want to find you here when I get back.
And take your damn meat loaf with you.
Nothing wrong with my leg either.
How did I ever marry into a family like this?
Wait a minute, Purkey! I'm not through yet. Keep that camera rolling.
Go ahead. Let's see him wriggle out of this one.
This is William H Gingrich, attorney-at-law.
I am both shocked and dismayed to learn that my client has been deceiving me.
But there is no legal case against Mr Hinkle...
...because no money has changed hands.
However, there is a legal case against the firm of O'Brien, Thompson and Kincaid.
They invaded the privacy of my client...
...a violation of the Fourth Amendment and the Federal Anti-Wiretapping Law of 1934.
I am therefore filing charges against these gentlemen...
...before the Ethical Practices Committee of the American Bar Association.
Furthermore, I am moving immediately to revoke the licence...
...of one Chester Purkey, private investigator.
He has maligned a member of a minority group...
...and I shall report this to the Civil Rights Division of the Justice Department...
...the Human Rights Commission of the United Nations, the NAACP...
...CORE, the American Civil Liberties Union...
I think I found your contact lens.
Even.
Odd.
This ain't my day.
- Yeah? - I'm looking for Boom Boom Jackson.
You're ten minutes late. He just cleaned out his locker.
The team fightin' to stay up there and this has to happen.
I would've believed it of some of the other guys, but Jackson? In a barroom brawl?
I don't know what got into him.
Even.
Wait a minute!
We ain't got no 99.
This seat taken?
- What's that with the matches? - It's for a buddy of mine, Harry Hinkle.
He's in a wheelchair.
Remember what you said you'd do to anybody who called your buddy a faker?
Well, I say Harry Hinkle is a faker.
What are you waitin' for? Go ahead, belt me.
- Why did you do it? - For the money. What else?
- You're a liar. - That's what I came to tell you.
If it's for the money, how come you're out of that chair?
I didn't like the setup, I didn't like the characters involved.
Especially me.
- Go ahead, do it. - And put you back in that corset?
Oh, no. I'm not gonna go through that again.
- I see you're all packed, huh? - Yeah.
Shaving kit, three pairs of socks...
...and the football they gave me after the Baltimore game.
- Where are you goin'? - I don't know.
But somewhere between here and there there's got to be a bar.
Come on, I'll buy you a drink.
Look, they'll make you sit out a couple of games, but you'll be back.
I don't care one way or the other. I'm through.
- Who says you're through? - 83,000 people.
When they boo every time you come off the field, you get the message.
Sure you've been playing lousy. You had this mental block.
I'm supposed to be a pro. Once you start to choke up...
...once you drop three punts in a row, you look for another line of work.
- Such as what? - A guy my size, my weight...
I can make it in the wrestling racket.
I think I'd make a pretty good heavy, call myself the Dark Ángel.
- The Dark Ángel? - You coming?
December 27th.
You sure kept me busy that day with the camera.
- 41 yards, 57 yards... - So long, buddy.
See you around.
Hey!
Boom Boom!
You forgot somethin'!
Catch!
Go, man, go!
Yeah!
Yeah! Ha!
Got ya!
Are you all right, buddy?
Did I hurt you, buddy?
Buddy! Talk to me, buddy.
Why doesn't one of you answer the phone?
- What phone? - It's ringing.
There's no phone here.
Hey, how many of me do you see?
- Two. - Two?
Boom Boom Jackson, and some nut who wants to call himself the Dark Ángel.
- Come on. Play ball. Let's go. - OK.
- Give me the ball. - OK.